Kill the Unicorn: ‘Stop Chasing Perfection’

“The Unicorn does not exist. It’s time to stop chasing it.”

Head coaches are often viewed on pedestals- judged from far and wide and expected to “be everything to everyone” at all times.

They’re admired for their strength but denied their vulnerability.

They’re lionized when they win but scrutinized when they stumble.

The pedestal isolates as much as it elevates.

Emma Hayes in Kill the Unicorn: Forget Perfection, Embrace your Flaws and Be Your Best, challenges the societal pressures that this myth is constructed upon asserting that “perfection is an illusion that only serves to hold you back from progress."

In addition to multiple individual awards (including FIFA’s women’s coach of the year in 2021) as head coach, Hayes won 14 trophies with Chelsea before leading the USA national team to Olympic success in 2024.

She’s one of the most decorated head coaches ever.

In letting go of the obsession with perfection, Hayes explains how she’s achieved greater harmony in her professional work and family life whilst becoming a more-rounded coach.

“Getting the elephant out the room.”

‘Trust' and ‘openness’ are recurring themes.

Hayes is on the constant lookout for passive-aggressive behavior and seeks to address any problems at source understanding that toxicity left unchallenged becomes harder to remove.

Citing an anecdotal lesson from Sir Alex Ferguson at an awards dinner, Hayes understands that missed opportunities to recognize and resolve grievances of players can often “mean the end of a manager.”

A successful head coach possesses the skill of observation and knows WHEN to mediate in conflict.

They have “an unerring eye for the type of detail that reveals more than the individual intends,” and are able to dig beneath the surface of a “I’m fine” or “All good” response in order to avoid a whisper becoming a roar.

Her ‘coaching style’ emphasizes fairness, not equality- “equality of opportunity is an illusion."

Applying a priority of addressing negative or petulant conduct- however minor- is a central theme of her culture composition which requires a “constant reinforcement of behaviors.”

Equally, Hayes promotes collaboration understanding that “the best, most successful organizations have the best communications.”

“I’d have had a heart attack, fueled by stress, within five years had I continued to struggle on in survival mode.”

Hayes understands the ruthless competitive nature of professional sport.

Yet she has seemingly also come to realize that balance is critical; “one of the first maxims of good leadership is the importance of self-care and to listen to what your body is telling you.”

Without self-care, you cannot effectively care for others.

Using the example of speaking with the media, Hayes emphasizes the need to be alert and on top of her game each day by saying “if you’re tired or mentally asleep or simply having ‘a bad day at the office' in that environment, it can be career suicide.”

Describing a healthier lifestyle change, Hayes constructs her schedule around the things that give her energy and balance; "I get to get up and breathe, not rush,” whilst carving out the time to take her son to school and get to the gym.

Hayes calls for better support in professional teams to help balance work and family life- such as standardizing crèches and improving research and care for players returning from maternity leave.

Reflecting on her own experience, she shared: "I didn't feel like in my line of work that I could take a year out and still step back into the job."

Without a shift in how the head coaching role is perceived, a culture of fear will persist- leaving coaches uncertain and anxious about how any absence might be judged.

“There are private days of self-doubt, worry, anxiety, guilt and a lack of faith.”

Hayes stresses the need for head coaches to have people outside of their organization; “It’s vital to have an external figure who advises you on dealing with dilemmas you can’t necessarily solve with your staff.”

As is so often the case with the most successful head coaches in sport, Hayes has spoken of surrounding herself with several ‘truth tellers’- people who provide “straight talking” and who “fast track” clarity of thought and solutions.

Noting amongst others her former teacher Deb Ramm-Hartley and legendary soccer coach, Vic Akers, Hayes identifies Sydney Roosters’ head coach, Trent Robinson, as also being a trusted confidante.

She refers to this circle as her “board of directors”- people who will listen, offer honesty but also prevent her from ruminating on certain situations.

In seeking counsel when certain situations arise, Hayes is able to maintain a perspective that is challenging when you’ve got your blinkers on.

For Hayes, her ‘board of directors’ help with “sense-making” and reinforce the perspective that imperfection is to be expected.